Is Your Relationship Impacting Your Career Decision-Making?

As kids, we’re taught to ask the people around us for permission before we do something big, scary, or risky. As adults, the decisions we make carry even more weight, so we seek validation from the people around us, namely, our partners.

I’m writing this as this month we tend to focus more on love and relationships. So, it's the perfect time to talk about why people tend to wait on permission from their romantic partners before making a career move and how we can break that cycle.

FIRST, WHY DO WE DO THIS?

A lot of times, we’re asking for permission because we don’t want to own the outcome all by ourselves. It’s based around fear. We like to have someone we can share the “blame” with if the decision or career move doesn’t turn out to be a positive one for us. Then, we can say that it was a joint decision, which removes some of the accountability and discomfort we might experience if we make the decision on our own. If you don’t own the decision then you don't have to own the results. 

I see this happening a lot more with women than with men, and I find that interesting. Of course, there are always exceptions, but I have noticed that women want to talk things through with their partners beforehand whereas men tend to act first and have that conversation after the fact.

In my opinion, this comes from a general lack of empowerment among women. Many women aren’t as comfortable making a decision and owning the outcome, but that is definitely something we can work on and get better at. 

HOW DO WE STOP SEEKING PERMISSION?

Now, I’m not saying that we should completely disregard our partner’s feelings, especially when a career change could impact your schedule or a shared income. Instead, we want to empower ourselves to own the decision-making process by putting in some work ahead of time.

Here are three ways we can do that so we can stop seeking permission from our partners:

Communication - This is the biggest one, in my opinion. You should be having these kinds of career conversations ahead of time — and on an ongoing basis — so you can feel empowered to jump on an opportunity as soon as it arises. When I’m coaching someone and they tell me that they need to speak with their partners first, I am always a little baffled that they haven’t had that conversation already. If you’re constantly communicating about your goals, you won’t need to “check in” with your partner because you will already know they’re on the same page as you.

Clarity - You need to get clear with yourself and your partner about what you need from them. Perhaps you’re not actually seeking their permission on a career change, you’re simply seeking their support as you explore this new opportunity. You’re not asking, “is this a good move for me?” You’re asking, “will you support me as I make this decision?” There’s a difference. Finding clarity around what you need and then communicating that to your partner will empower you to own your decisions and ultimately, experience a higher level of success for yourself.

Confidence - A lot of times, permission-seeking really comes down to a lack of confidence. You must have confidence in your career decision-making abilities. One thing that helps people who struggle with confidence is knowing that there are no wrong decisions. If something doesn’t pan out the way you hoped it would, you can always pivot or make a different decision and try something new. You need to trust yourself to make a choice, knowing that nothing is set in stone and you can’t get this “wrong.” You can always choose to make another decision. 

SMALL CHANGES LEAD TO BIG IMPACT

These three steps aren’t difficult. It’s a mindset shift and a series of small behavioral changes that can have a significant impact on your life… because we aren’t just talking about career changes. How else has asking for permission impacted you either personally or professionally? This permission-seeking also shows up in the workplace, in our friendships, in lifestyle changes we want to make for ourselves; pretty much everywhere!

So, before you hit the “back” button or close this tab, I want you to ask yourself something:

What if you already have all the permission you need?

You are in control of your life and what happens to you, and I want you to feel empowered by that. Trust yourself and know that you alone have the power to change your life for the better.